I was having a conversation with my newest friend the other day and I mentioned my brother, Michael. "Wait, I have not heard about this brother, you have another one?" was the comment. Yes, I have 3 brothers. I don't talk about Micheal much. Yes, he is alive but he decided not to be a part of our family. I guess the lack of communication over the last 3 or 4 years doesn't give me much cause to talk about him.
Since that day I have thought about him quite a lot. He has red hair and the last time I saw him he had a full 'mountain man' beard with some gray. It may be all gray now, or he may be clean shaven. I remember he had lots of freckles as a kid. He was athletic and I think he ran track a couple of years in high school. We had a big back yard and my father built 2 wooden basketball goals which were firmly planted in our backyard and a full basketball court was created. This was the 60's when kids spent a lot of time outside. We also had a full basement complete with a ping-pong table. What seemed like a dozen or so boys played doubles, singles, and held tournaments there. We were the place to be for the neighborhood boys. This was the 60's and the girls never played sports with the boys.
Once someone gave Michael a scooter so he and his twin, Mitchell, built a track that ran the edge of the back yard. They built a ramp that made the scooter fly and some dips in the dirt to make the track exciting. The track didn't last long. A couple of crashes and the increasing destruction of the grass was finally too much for my parents.
The boys were tough on each other. There was always kididng and giving each other a hard time. Micheal was often the target. He didn't like it and always internalized it. That's why he was the target...prey on the weakest.
When my mother was near death I asked if she was afraid of dying. No, she said, but I worry about Michael.
Michael's second wife is the reason for his disassociation with the family. She has decided she cannot control us so Michael is not allowed to speak to us. I guess that's how it plays out in their household. He does what she says to keep the peace. He does not want to be alone so we are the price he pays. Micheal has step children and grandchildren. I know he loves them and dotes on them. He hasn't seen my 15 year old son in 4 years.
I don't really miss spending time with my brother's wife. She is a controller and very negative. We put up with her because we love him. My other 2 brothers and I always ask..."have you talked to Michael?" The answer is always "No". We always discuss just showing up at his house..but to what end?? We always decide it could be ugly and not really worth it. I have called him several times and left messages. They never answer the phone. He never calls me back. My son has called and asked him to call. Nothing. I guess if something bad were to happen to him, his wife would call. Maybe, maybe not.
Anyone who listens to NPR hears stories about people in war torn countries talk about how difficult it is to leave their family, or about family members being lost or killed. It must be devastating to lose your family. Some people search years to find lost family members.
We in the US live in such a 'throw away' society, does that include our families?
I know my brother has made his decision. His wife over his brothers and sister. I am OK with that decision...sometimes saddened by it.
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